How can something that I wanted to happen, and it happened, why…why does it make me feel so empty? I mean, I think I wanted to be friends. Somehow, though, I just keep thinking of excuses to run away. Is that healthy? What does that mean? Why is that happening? Everything is so uncertain right now. Yes, we are friends, but obviously, our friendship is and will be quite different. How can I give myself up, to try again to be someone’s friend when I don’t know how to be friends with them? I am over it. I am over our friendship of the past. I could go either way, being friends or not being friends. I think I wanted to be friends, or at least give it a shot. But I don’t really know. I don’t want to disappoint my friends or my family. Or seem like a horrible person. But what if this isn’t what I want? What am I even SAYING? Of COURSE I want this. I guess I’m just terrified of getting hurt again. I can’t get hurt like this again. I can’t. I can’t put enough effort into this again. I feel like it is what it is. I’m so confused.

What is friendship? I feel like it shouldn’t be this hard.