I am a VERY stubborn person. When I’ve made up my mind about something, I mean, REALLY made up my mind, it’s very difficult to persuade me to think or do something differently.

I used to know what I thought. What I valued. What I wanted. College changed that.

When I say college changed that, I mean that college changed what I thought, what I valued, and what I wanted. It’s so strange, to know that your values are changing. Sometimes I’ve felt lost, because for goodness sake, something so close to who I was was changing. But I think it’s good, that I’m experiencing different things, learning different things, thinking different things, wanting different things. I think that there’s an element of maturity that comes from opening up one’s mind to the possibilities out there.

And it’s funny, I went out there, experienced different things, and slowly I am returning to my old values, with I guess more of a balance than freshman year? I’m definitely not the person I was going into college. Definitely NOT. I love myself a lot more. I’m a better person.

So why is it that the one thing that I feel I SHOULD want, I SHOULD have an opinion about, I SHOULD value—why is it that I can’t decide? I mean, how difficult is it to decide if you want to be friends with someone? I wish things weren’t so complicated. Once you hit college, life just becomes so COMPLICATED. I guess it’s as complicated as we make it out to be, but something like this—it’s just so….there’s no other word for it: complicated. Complex. Riddled with emotion, with heartbreak, with memories, with lots of memories, with feelings.

Maybe it’s too emotional a subject about which to have a rational, defined opinion? I don’t know. I guess the first stepping stone to reach the rest of the footpath will either be stepped on tomorrow, or it will become a tombstone for what once was, and will no longer be. We shall see.

Not my decision. Our decision.